DussInBoots

December, 2025.

I had been bed-rotting for almost a week. After moving to the UK, this was not the way I imagined my life would turn out. I had dreams of exploring a new country, meeting new people, and building a new life for myself. Instead, I found myself unable to get out of bed.

This wasn’t an unfamiliar territory though. I had struggled with depression before and it was severe enough that I took a gap year between 11th and 12th grade. When I think back to that period, one memory stands out. Every night, as I lay in bed, I would think about the sun rising the next morning and I would just… cry. There was no particular event awaiting me the following day. There was no immediate crisis. Just thinking about the next day filled me with despair. I simply did not want tomorrow to come.

I reached out for help once the suicidal thoughts began creeping in again. I took some online therapy, got myself an SAD lamp and started taking vitamin D supplements.

One of the assignments my therapist gave me was to talk to at least one new person everyday. And what I learned from doing that assignment was how common it was for people in the UK to experience seasonal depression. It was like everyone I talked to was also feeling depressed. (I met a sweet older lady named Aileen at the bus stop one day, and she told me that she go for a walk every morning to battle winter blues. I even decided to join her the following day)

If you’re from Mizoram, you’re probably familiar with how mental illness is often viewed. Many people genuinely believe that the answer is to pray harder or seek God. While I know these suggestions usually come from a place of care, they can sometimes make people who are struggling feel even more misunderstood. I still remember one person saying to me, “If I wanted to have depression, I have a lot to feel depressed about. But I choose not to.” As if people wake up one morning and decide to feel hopeless, exhausted, or unable to enjoy the things they once loved.

Depression isn’t a lack of gratitude, weak faith, or a negative attitude. It’s an illness that changes the way your brain works, the way you think, and the way you experience the world. I watched a video the other day by Dr Alok Kanojia where he talked about one of his patients. The patient kept complaining about his job and everyday routine. Dr Kanojia simply told him, “You are not depressed. You are unhappy”. It made me think about my own situation – I’m living the life I spent years dreaming about. I’m studying a subject I’m genuinely passionate about. I love living in the UK and I appreciate how kind and polite people are here. I have a loving boyfriend whom I’m absolutely crazy about and I am fortunate enough to be here on a fully funded scholarship. By all accounts, I should be happy. So why can’t I feel happy? It’s just that my brain chemistry have been altered by THE FRICKIN’ WEATHER.

It became incredibly clear to me how important it is for us to stop treating mental illnesses as if they’re personal failures. When you’re in a bad place mentally, things that would normally make you happy just wouldn’t. And things that wouldn’t normally bother you can become impossible to deal with. So if you’re reading this, be kind to yourself and others. And do not be afraid to seek help if you need it. Admitting that you’re not okay and seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s one of the bravest things you can do.

With love,

Duss